Infinity on a Sunday

May 20, 2018

It’s 7:30 AM Sunday morning.

I sit with my eyes closed, bringing my mind’s attention to my heart. There is a gentle pull from within, a deep breath and then there is blankness.

After a few minutes, the surface thoughts start to emerge — the trip I have to take tonight, filing of monthly returns for my office, and such. I let them pass, and am lost for a while.

I suddenly hear the birds chirping, and it feels way too loud. Someone is walking behind and seems to be moving something and the noise irritates me. The training kicks in and I let go and literally feel this moving out, and am again lost for a while.

There is a tightness in my heart and a surge of emotion. Do not know where it came from, but is there nonetheless. I then feel it loosening and melting away. I feel a subtle sense of relief and am lost for a while.

A sudden feeling of love envelopes me — I feel an expansion, and am confused about where I end and the rest of the world begins. The boundaries melt. I’m lost for a while.

That expansive feeling of love now is now exploding like flames of fire, and I want to escape. There is a slight need to break free. It then subsides, and I’m lost again.

That love has cooled now, is settled, and feels like the gentle surface of a lake, but has expanded and there is no end in sight. I feel the strength inside, quiet courage, and confidence. This awareness comes briefly and then I’m lost again for a while.

I feel free. I’m ecstatic. What else can there be? There’s a fleeting need to just get up and go. Something reassures me and I feel an anchoring. I recognize, and then I’m lost for a while.

There is a feeling that all of this is illusory. And I feel restless and want to keep going. I feel something accelerating, much like when a car shifts to high great at an enormous speed. And I’m lost again.

There is a great softness of the heart and I feel a presence deep and all-pervading and a brief glimpse of the Real. And then I’m lost.

There is a slight pull of the self, and a fleeting need to hold back. But then there is a reassuring feeling, and then the expanse surrounds me, and all I have to do is to get on the boat. I feel someone help me on the boat. And then I’m lost for a long time.

The floating continues — there is a strange feeling of wanting to know what is behind all this expanse, and to keep going beyond.

Insignificance and singularity come to view, and there is a quiet for what seems like forever. And forever.

Then I feel as if someone is gently placing me down from a long journey. I am aware again, open my eyes, and sit quietly to gain my bearings.

To infinity and beyond on a Sunday morning — who could ask for anything more?


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